As I flew back from Minnesota on Monday, I powered up my iPod for the first time in a year. Looking through my library brought me back to college, when so much of my life focused on making mix CDs and moshing at punk concerts. I know that scent memory powerfully links past and present, but there’s nothing like hearing a long-forgotten song to bring me screeching back half a decade.
I’m writing this post on my iPhone while flying back to San Francisco on Monday night, and when it goes up on my blog Tuesday morning, I start my first day of work. I will have opened the door to a life in fashion as I close the door, at least for now, on being a therapist. I know I have a penchant for the dramatic and can get misty at the drop of a hat, but it feels like the start of something new and so different from how I’ve ever lived.
Before I started writing, I cued up the ambiguously-titled “On The Go 6” playlist on my old iPod. Clearly, I was in a major pop-punk phase, since it’s dominated by New Found Glory, Roses Are Red, and Fall Out Boy. As faulty as my memory can be, I remember exactly where I was when I made this playlist. It was the end of 2006 when I was traveling in India, and I was dreaming about this guy Jim who I’d met six months before.
I was sure I’d never see him again, but I couldn’t stop thinking about him.
I’d gone through a lot of changes while traveling, from chopping off a foot of blonde curls to witnessing gender violence and realizing that I had to do something about it. The day I made that playlist, I had no idea that soon I’d be dating that daydreamed-about boy and that one day he’d become my husband. I had no idea that learning from women in India would shift my future career from actress to therapist.
I didn’t know these things, but I had the same feeling then that I have right now- that everything was about to change in the most amazing way.
So, with the punchy chords of Good Charlotte ringing in my ears, I’m suddenly 19 again and excited and scared and strangely ready to take the next step forward in my life. I hope you don’t mind coming with me- I have a feeling I’m going to have a lot to say.